Fear

Fear is...

waking up in the midst of the night
screaming out in spite of stress
and realizing you're not asleep yet.

Fear is...

sitting at the blackjack table in a casino
watching the cards being dealt and played
yet too scared to make a bet.

Fear is...

when a sibling hates their life
leaving your house angry and scared
you're not sure if you'll see them alive.

Fear is...

the lack of accomplishments and goals
which leaves you waking up screaming
after your hard work and dedication in life.

Fear is...

the fear I'll never live to see my life dream
with all these years of college...wasted...
and this is why I've awoken screaming.



Note: Each of these stanzas represents a different part of my life. Getting my college degree has been one of the most difficult tasks to accomplish, and I hope someday to be a college graduate. My dream is to have a B.A. in Journalism because I believe this is my talent.

I'm not afraid to admit my brother has schizophrenia, but I am afraid of my brother. His violence has never ceased, and his anger has made an imprint on my life. I feel sorry for him living in his car, but there comes a point where he can help his situation. It's one of the reasons I'm so strongly close to God, even though I fall away from him quite frequently when I'm stressed out. I pray every night for God to save my brother and so far my prayers have been answered.